[ she rubs her hands down her legs a couple times, clenching and unclenching her fists before her hands still, curling around the edge of the bench seat. it leaves her half hunched over, like the weight of her past is physically pressing down on her. ]
We were running from Krennic, that's why we left. Papa couldn't work for them anymore so we left. [ she knew without knowing for most of her childhood, the way a child reads tension. her father was unhappy, it made her unhappy, but then on lah'mu he was just her papa again and it was okay. ] She called Saw, when they came.
[ her eyes close against the memories but they're all she can see. ]
We had a plan. We would all go and hide and wait until Saw came and then we'd go to a new planet. But Papa-- [ she stumbles over the word, unused to it still ] -- he made us go without him. And then Mama made me go without her. She went back for him.
[ she straightens up, eyes opening, voice turning to steel. ]
[ he waits, a patient and careful listener. the sympathy on his face as her story goes on isn't pity; it's more like understanding. cassian keeps stumbling on more and more reasons they're alike; their mothers dying in front of them evidently another. ]
[ it explains her visceral reaction to being there, the way she stared at the grass, the desperate run through the foothills to the cave. no wonder she wanted to leave. he wishes again that there was no empathy bond, because he just wants to reach for her again. i understand he wants to tell her. ]
I am sorry, Jyn. [ his voice is soft against her steel, but it's not an attempt to quell the sound. his mother might have died on fest, but at least it wasn't in their own home. both of their home planets, stained literally by death. ] I do not know how it always manages to feel so long ago and so recent at once.
[ she wants to brush it off as a long time ago but he doesn't let her and now she actually has to face her feelings. ]
She was the fighter. She never stopped. [ her father was the pacifist, the gentle scholar who only wanted to sink into his studies and find clean, safe energy. he'd never wanted to build weapons. but lyra had all the fire.
at least that is what saw had said about her mother. ]
[ her mouth lifts in a returning smile almost reflexively. their mothers had been alike, had married men of learning who wanted peace. and they'd died, leaving behind children that would tear themselves apart for a cause, for the galaxy, for a peace they would never get to see.
that's certainly a legacy.
with a heavy, tired sigh, jyn leans against cassian and closes her eyes. they'll never get the chance to know if their parents would like what either of them had grown up to be. ]
Daisy wants to see us, in her compartment. Apparently we stole and own an apartment now.
[ she's avoiding the topic, sure, but she doesn't think cassian will mind. they can revisit it again sometime. ]
[ part of him wants to ask more, wants to learn more about her and her family, but he does recognize they've already talked about a lot. especially for two people like themselves, two people who clearly do not talk about personal matters like this very often, if at all. he could probably use a break too. ]
[ he doesn't mind the shift, even if it is a bit like whiplash. ] You stole an apartment. [ he doesn't sound surprised by the fact that it happened, he's more curious as to how it happened in the first place. ] Do I get to know the details?
We broke into one of the apartment buildings to take their food. [ because of course they did, that is the most jyn erso and daisy johnson thing in the world. ]
Daisy had this idea... I don't know why. [ it's fuzzy and the dreams were loopy by the nature of dreaming so she doesn't remember what led to most of this. ] I carved our names into the name plate by the door.
[ she shrugs. there wasn't much more to it than that. ] It's enormous and there was chocolate and I was going to save you some but I ate it all. And it was a dream. The bed was so soft, Cassian. It was... [ she turns slightly to face him, putting both hands on his leg, expression bright with the memory of something nice. ] It was this huge thing, full of pillows, and it was so clean and soft. Force, I hate rich people, but I love this apartment so much.
[ there is some faint amusement on his face. her story continues to not surprise him, and if anything, he feels a fondness towards her over it. how could he not, when she's looking at him like that? ]
If there is anything I will give the wealthy, it is that their beds are quite comfortable. [ AND THAT'S IT. ] Hopefully it will come just as stocked with food as when you found it.
[ a beat. ] Are you both going to live there? [ why would he assume he gets to come along?? ]
[ that is why she mentioned the bed. he wanted a bed, it was one of his requirements when jyn's was "walls and roof and privacy". but nooooooooo cassian wanted a bed.
[ listen. the implication was always that they'd go find a place to stay and live together, but since she stole this apartment with another person, he didn't want to assume...! ]
I did not want to just invite myself. Does she know? [ that he'll be there too. ]
Maybe the food will come with the house. [ the dream! sidenote, stock up on sausages for jyn. ]
There are quite a number of place with beds, Jyn. It was not unattainable! [ he found PLENTY. ] And if we went with the first place you suggested, we would not have this fancy apartment now.
[ she's so unwilling to give in, but he's not wrong. IN ANY CASE, and maybe to avoid continuing to lose this argument, jyn stands up and tugs on him to pull him with her. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
We were running from Krennic, that's why we left. Papa couldn't work for them anymore so we left. [ she knew without knowing for most of her childhood, the way a child reads tension. her father was unhappy, it made her unhappy, but then on lah'mu he was just her papa again and it was okay. ] She called Saw, when they came.
[ her eyes close against the memories but they're all she can see. ]
We had a plan. We would all go and hide and wait until Saw came and then we'd go to a new planet. But Papa-- [ she stumbles over the word, unused to it still ] -- he made us go without him. And then Mama made me go without her. She went back for him.
[ she straightens up, eyes opening, voice turning to steel. ]
And Krennic shot her in the grass.
no subject
[ it explains her visceral reaction to being there, the way she stared at the grass, the desperate run through the foothills to the cave. no wonder she wanted to leave. he wishes again that there was no empathy bond, because he just wants to reach for her again. i understand he wants to tell her. ]
I am sorry, Jyn. [ his voice is soft against her steel, but it's not an attempt to quell the sound. his mother might have died on fest, but at least it wasn't in their own home. both of their home planets, stained literally by death. ] I do not know how it always manages to feel so long ago and so recent at once.
no subject
She was the fighter. She never stopped. [ her father was the pacifist, the gentle scholar who only wanted to sink into his studies and find clean, safe energy. he'd never wanted to build weapons. but lyra had all the fire.
at least that is what saw had said about her mother. ]
She would have liked you.
no subject
[ he offers her a very small, understanding sort of smile. ] My mother was also like that. I used to think nothing would stop her.
[ she only stopped when she was dead. why is that so common the case? ]
I think I would have liked her too.
no subject
that's certainly a legacy.
with a heavy, tired sigh, jyn leans against cassian and closes her eyes. they'll never get the chance to know if their parents would like what either of them had grown up to be. ]
Daisy wants to see us, in her compartment. Apparently we stole and own an apartment now.
[ she's avoiding the topic, sure, but she doesn't think cassian will mind. they can revisit it again sometime. ]
no subject
[ he doesn't mind the shift, even if it is a bit like whiplash. ] You stole an apartment. [ he doesn't sound surprised by the fact that it happened, he's more curious as to how it happened in the first place. ] Do I get to know the details?
no subject
Daisy had this idea... I don't know why. [ it's fuzzy and the dreams were loopy by the nature of dreaming so she doesn't remember what led to most of this. ] I carved our names into the name plate by the door.
[ she shrugs. there wasn't much more to it than that. ] It's enormous and there was chocolate and I was going to save you some but I ate it all. And it was a dream. The bed was so soft, Cassian. It was... [ she turns slightly to face him, putting both hands on his leg, expression bright with the memory of something nice. ] It was this huge thing, full of pillows, and it was so clean and soft. Force, I hate rich people, but I love this apartment so much.
no subject
If there is anything I will give the wealthy, it is that their beds are quite comfortable. [ AND THAT'S IT. ] Hopefully it will come just as stocked with food as when you found it.
[ a beat. ] Are you both going to live there? [ why would he assume he gets to come along?? ]
no subject
[ that is why she mentioned the bed. he wanted a bed, it was one of his requirements when jyn's was "walls and roof and privacy". but nooooooooo cassian wanted a bed.
so she found him one. ]
no subject
I did not want to just invite myself. Does she know? [ that he'll be there too. ]
no subject
[ a beat, a shrug. cassian was always built in. ]
And we thought there might be food.
no subject
Clearly not unattainable if you have succeeded in finding a place with a very comfortable bed. My standards worked out nicely.
[ a beat. ] So did you steal the food too then?
no subject
And for the record, your standards only worked out in a literal fantasy.
no subject
There are quite a number of place with beds, Jyn. It was not unattainable! [ he found PLENTY. ] And if we went with the first place you suggested, we would not have this fancy apartment now.
no subject
[ she's so unwilling to give in, but he's not wrong. IN ANY CASE, and maybe to avoid continuing to lose this argument, jyn stands up and tugs on him to pull him with her. ]
Come on, let's go.
no subject
[ meet his new roommates, he supposes. ]