[ they can figure out how old she is later, it feels unimportant now. ]
[ he can feel her sadness so strongly that it starts making him sad, sympathy bubbling up too, but never pity. he had seen saw, he saw the injuries, heard his breathing, knew the rumors - but saw had been fighting since the clone wars, and cassian wasn't surprised to find him in such a state. ]
[ his grip on her hand is tight enough to tell her he is here and he is listening, but not tight enough to be a distraction. hopefully. ]
To me, that is still the war's doing. His decision to save you is not your fault, Jyn. The galaxy has been fighting him down since before you were born, it has created ways of life where these things happen. But what happened to Saw was not you.
[ a beat. ] I have always found it ironic that the Alliance calls the actions of a cadre like Saw's terrorism when the Empire does the same thing.
[ when some of his own work would be right up the partisan's alley. ]
How else would they distance themselves and pretend their hands are clean?
[ gotta put the blame somewhere! she doesn't need to be sober to know that! with some hilariously dramatic noises like an old lady, jyn creaks and groans her way out of his lap and slides down to lay on the bed properly. she wriggles like she wants to be under the covers but.
[ oh. he kind of misses her when she moves, which is a strange thought, one he tries to disregard completely. it's better to focus on biting back a laugh at how frustrated she is by the concept of Moving Her Body. he could help. but. ]
[ he does not. for the hilarity of it. ]
You do not have to tell me that. [ his work is definitely done in secret. so many secrets, cassian often feels like that's all he's made of. ] There are some in high command who very likely do not even know all of what is done.
[ he would argue that it's mostly former champions of the republic who want to separate themselves, but he's willing to say that might be a bias. maybe. ]
Come down here. [ he did say he wanted to lay down, jyn is deciding that he is going to lay down now, with her. which isn't different from how they usually sleep; usually they're next to each other and sometimes when they wake jyn is pressed against his chest but she squirms away before cassian wakes up.
now she wants to be cuddled up to him but she doesn't now how to ask so instead she demands he lay down and then she will worm into his arms without saying anything.
[ he doesn't lay down right away. he wants to, which is another strange thought to add to his growing pile of them. ]
[ it feels like forever, but in reality it's only about thirty, forty seconds before he sighs a little, then carefully shifts himself downward on the bed until he's laying rather than sitting upright. ]
I know what I want, [ jyn counters imperiously, making a scrunched up grumpy face at him. she is not demanding, she is just sure of herself. ] That's not demanding, it's smart.
[ but since he has given in, she doesn't feel the need to continue harping on about it, scooting forward so she is closer to him. ]
[ so... she wants him down there? beside her? he knows sometimes when he wakes up he's got his arms wrapped around her, but he always carefully pulls away before she notices. he feels safe sleeping beside her, he doesn't want to make it awkward for her to be pressed into him. ] I think the way you asked still qualifies more as a demand than a question.
[ even though he is arguing with her, there he is, laying down just like she demanded. ]
It might be a little too late for this to be considered a nap. [ especially since he suspects once she's out, she will be sleeping straight through the morning. ] And if that was a thinly veiled hint for me to pull up the blankets, you are definitely going to have to ask a real question for that one.
I don't need your help. [ it's a grumble, half muffled by her face smooshing into the bed as she shifts and wriggles to slide her legs under the blankets. it's then that she realizes she hasn't changed her shirt. she doesn't want to get back out of bed so she simply peels her long sleeve shirt off, getting it caught on her head because she's laying down still and that is hard. ]
[ he's content to watch her struggle simply because it amuses him, and he almost claps once she gets her legs under the blanket. ]
[ there's hesitation when she asks for help with her shirt, and he can't explain it. she's drunk and stuck, it's fine, of course her shirt would get tangled. with an obviously overdramatic sigh, he reaches over and carefully helps pull the shirt the rest of the way off her head. he's surprisingly gentle about it, and he idly half folds her shirt once it's free, tossing it towards her nightstand. ]
[ jyn tells him to fuck off in huttese, but with a little laugh so obviously she doesn't care much at all about being teased, wriggling the rest of the way under the covers. ]
[ good thing he understands that much of the language! his own laugh quiets out as a result of her question, but at least it sounds more like a natural fade. ]
I already am. [ it's not a real protest, and he knows what she wants from him. the weirdest part is just how easily he complies, finally worming under the blankets too. he's not sure how much more laying down he can get anymore. ]
[ jyn hums a pleased noise, happy for getting her way. it's just a nap, she tells herself, slinging her arm over his waist and dragging herself closer to him. very close. ]
[ maybe he should have expected it, but he doesn't, so when her arm settles over him like it's nothing, it doesn't quite feel like nothing. it feels normal, but somehow a surprise. ]
[ she is very close and very warm and her smile does something funny to his chest. before he can overthink it, he lifts his arm up enough to welcome her in more. ]
[ she wriggles right in, tucking herself against him and soaking in the closeness, his breath across her cheek. he smells good, like soap and warmth and memories that aren't all bad. jyn doesn't get this close to people, physically or emotionally, but she and cassian had never managed to have much in the way of personal space. ]
[ all his old instincts are alight with nerves, even more so for how comfortable he feels. he shouldn't deserve to be this at ease with anyone, but like most things with jyn since he's met her, he complies with the opposite. ]
[ she smells a little like alcohol but also like the leather of his jacket and like herbs. he tucks his arm around her and tries not to think about how neatly they fit. ]
Out drinking?
[ she did already tell him, but in her defense she is drunk. he'll indulge her again. ]
Having fun, [ jyn corrects, nosing against his chin as she settles against the pillow. when she draws back she seems to realize how close they are but she doesn't move away, humming again as her fingers idly move against his back. ]
[ it's such a casual and genuine display of affection. he never experiences that, it's honestly more of a surprise than the fact that she cuddled right up to him. so much so that it takes him a few long moments to realize she said something too, and he needs to reply. ]
[ together. they make a good team, she is sure cassian can learn to have fun.
she doesn't yawn, but she sighs in a way that speaks to a yawn, sinking deeper into the absurdly comfortable mattress. it tilts her chin slightly, her expression open and damn near welcoming. maybe it's the proximity, maybe it's the warmth of this little bubble that they are in. whatever it is, jyn finds herself looking at cassian's mouth, mind racing against the last vestiges of consciousness.
she leans forward, eyes closing again as she stretches toward him, intent clear until she stops. stops and doesn't make any move to continue or to make any move at all. after a handful of moments, her even breathing gives the reason she stopped before she could kiss him.
[ he likes the idea. learning, with her. it's not so intimidating that way. ]
[ before he can tell her so, or even reply in any form, she looks down at his mouth and cassian stills with a sudden anticipation. she moves in like she's going to kiss him, and he doesn't know what to do about it. he doesn't know what to think or feel or anything, but he does find himself closing his eyes. ]
[ and nothing happens. ]
[ when he peeks, he discovers she's fallen asleep. he puffs out a breath, brushing it off under her inebriation. even so, it still takes him a few minutes before he can fall asleep too, though he doesn't move out of her arms. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ he can feel her sadness so strongly that it starts making him sad, sympathy bubbling up too, but never pity. he had seen saw, he saw the injuries, heard his breathing, knew the rumors - but saw had been fighting since the clone wars, and cassian wasn't surprised to find him in such a state. ]
[ his grip on her hand is tight enough to tell her he is here and he is listening, but not tight enough to be a distraction. hopefully. ]
To me, that is still the war's doing. His decision to save you is not your fault, Jyn. The galaxy has been fighting him down since before you were born, it has created ways of life where these things happen. But what happened to Saw was not you.
[ a beat. ] I have always found it ironic that the Alliance calls the actions of a cadre like Saw's terrorism when the Empire does the same thing.
[ when some of his own work would be right up the partisan's alley. ]
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[ gotta put the blame somewhere! she doesn't need to be sober to know that! with some hilariously dramatic noises like an old lady, jyn creaks and groans her way out of his lap and slides down to lay on the bed properly. she wriggles like she wants to be under the covers but.
effort. ]
That's why Intelligence is a secret.
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[ he does not. for the hilarity of it. ]
You do not have to tell me that. [ his work is definitely done in secret. so many secrets, cassian often feels like that's all he's made of. ] There are some in high command who very likely do not even know all of what is done.
[ he would argue that it's mostly former champions of the republic who want to separate themselves, but he's willing to say that might be a bias. maybe. ]
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now she wants to be cuddled up to him but she doesn't now how to ask so instead she demands he lay down and then she will worm into his arms without saying anything.
perfect. ]
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[ he doesn't lay down right away. he wants to, which is another strange thought to add to his growing pile of them. ]
[ it feels like forever, but in reality it's only about thirty, forty seconds before he sighs a little, then carefully shifts himself downward on the bed until he's laying rather than sitting upright. ]
Is it bed time now?
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[ but since he has given in, she doesn't feel the need to continue harping on about it, scooting forward so she is closer to him. ]
It's nap time. Once I get under the covers.
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[ even though he is arguing with her, there he is, laying down just like she demanded. ]
It might be a little too late for this to be considered a nap. [ especially since he suspects once she's out, she will be sleeping straight through the morning. ] And if that was a thinly veiled hint for me to pull up the blankets, you are definitely going to have to ask a real question for that one.
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Help. [ a pitiful bleat. ]
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[ there's hesitation when she asks for help with her shirt, and he can't explain it. she's drunk and stuck, it's fine, of course her shirt would get tangled. with an obviously overdramatic sigh, he reaches over and carefully helps pull the shirt the rest of the way off her head. he's surprisingly gentle about it, and he idly half folds her shirt once it's free, tossing it towards her nightstand. ]
At least you admitted it this time.
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Are you going to lay down with me or not?
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I already am. [ it's not a real protest, and he knows what she wants from him. the weirdest part is just how easily he complies, finally worming under the blankets too. he's not sure how much more laying down he can get anymore. ]
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Hi.
[ her sleepy smile is soft and warm. ]
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[ she is very close and very warm and her smile does something funny to his chest. before he can overthink it, he lifts his arm up enough to welcome her in more. ]
Hi.
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You should come with me next time.
[ her eyes close, words coming slowly. ]
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[ she smells a little like alcohol but also like the leather of his jacket and like herbs. he tucks his arm around her and tries not to think about how neatly they fit. ]
Out drinking?
[ she did already tell him, but in her defense she is drunk. he'll indulge her again. ]
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You need to have more fun.
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I am not sure I am very good at that.
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We can learn.
[ together. they make a good team, she is sure cassian can learn to have fun.
she doesn't yawn, but she sighs in a way that speaks to a yawn, sinking deeper into the absurdly comfortable mattress. it tilts her chin slightly, her expression open and damn near welcoming. maybe it's the proximity, maybe it's the warmth of this little bubble that they are in. whatever it is, jyn finds herself looking at cassian's mouth, mind racing against the last vestiges of consciousness.
she leans forward, eyes closing again as she stretches toward him, intent clear until she stops. stops and doesn't make any move to continue or to make any move at all. after a handful of moments, her even breathing gives the reason she stopped before she could kiss him.
jyn is asleep. ]
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[ before he can tell her so, or even reply in any form, she looks down at his mouth and cassian stills with a sudden anticipation. she moves in like she's going to kiss him, and he doesn't know what to do about it. he doesn't know what to think or feel or anything, but he does find himself closing his eyes. ]
[ and nothing happens. ]
[ when he peeks, he discovers she's fallen asleep. he puffs out a breath, brushing it off under her inebriation. even so, it still takes him a few minutes before he can fall asleep too, though he doesn't move out of her arms. ]