I have not lived regularly in the snow since I was six! [ there's almost a laugh with the argument, an easy sound. ]
[ it's a little scary, sitting here so quietly while jyn smooths the cloth over his skin. she's seen him naked before, she's seen his scars long before that too, but it's the kind of intimacy that spring his nerves to life. he's comfortable all the same, trusting and relaxed while she chases away longtime anxieties about being this close to another person with each swipe of water. ]
Part of living in the cold is knowing how to keep warm, you know.
[ his nice warm, fluffy jacket that smelled like blaster oil and was filled with whisperbird feathers. with his nice warm gloves. atop his other warm jacket. whilst jyn had one very thin jacket and vest and a scarf she straight up stole off a hook in the hangar. the alliance could have given her more appropriate outerwear but
[ he smiles a tiny bit. ] It was a very warm jacket, yes. But it is not all jackets.
[ a beat. ] It is mostly jackets. Layers. But I will give you that despite that, some people are just always cold.
[ like jyn. she'd probably need many many layers on fest. or maybe his planet is warmer than he remembers. it's not like he's been back, or will ever be back, to tell. ]
[ all the meat on her bones is muscle, she doesn't have enough body fat yet to keep her warm! this isn't a protest she makes aloud, quiet for a while remembering the feel of the fur when it brushed against her during those brief moments on jedha.
she keeps moving with the washcloth, almost massaging the tension out of his shoulders with the warm cloth, willing him to relax completely with her. ]
Do you remember the food on Jedha?
[ she would have killed to stop for a snack. thick soup or sweet fried cookies or fragrant yellow rice. ]
[ it occurs to him that they hadn't ate much on jedha. he was so rushed, so determined, so full of tivik's death while trying to meet the man's sister. there were a lot of planets like that, and he wonders how much he missed about them simply from the priorities of a mission. ]
[ it makes him a little sad, thinking about it like that. it's an undercurrent more than anything else, because her hands are pulling apart the stiff line of tension that virtually always exists in him. ]
[ jyn has been hunting for the cookies she'd almost gotten the chance to try before chirrut and then cassian interrupted her and she still hasn't found any that visually compare. not here, not in new tokyo, not in new prague. maybe in new beijing.
why can't she just find magical red cookies fried to perfect crisp and soaked with sugar?? why is this so difficult! ]
I wish you would have let me try that soup.
[ but he was in a hurry and jedha was a war zone and she understands, she just really wanted soup. cassian hasn't stopped her from trying any of the foods here. her knuckles press into a knot, bearing down until she feels it unravel, satisfied with the way cassian relaxes against her. ]
I didn't do that because of the soup. Just good timing.
[ it's okay, he wishes he'd let her try the soup too. he's trying very hard not to dwell on his regrets, but there are many of them. ]
[ he is distracted from that thought by the press of her knuckles into a particularly tense knot in his back, and he lets out a soft sound of relief when it dissipates, even if it spent a few seconds being painful. his back is so tense, all the time. his entire body is, if he's being honest. ]
[ but her hands are warm. ]
You could find another knot and prove it. [ pls keep at it. ] And we can keep looking for a similar soup.
[ she feels the regret, cold and sour, and she swallows to chase the taste of it away. there is really no escaping the empathy bond like this. maybe she could manipulate the water to act as a guard between them but she doesn't bother.
even before they could feel each other's emotions, she and cassian were connected. they never needed some mystical bond to build a closeness and intensity that burned brighter than the death star. ]
It was only soup.
[ her arm curls around his chest, drawing herself forward so she can kiss the back of his neck. she made it off jedha with more important things than soup. ]
[ it's not that cassian forgets about the bond; it's just easier with jyn because she already knows so much about him. it's scarier too, but not the kind of emotional fear he runs from. ]
[ she wraps her arms around him, and he can feel her lips on his skin as much as the warmth and affection she has for him. it's enveloping him as physically as it is emotionally thanks to her hug, and he very carefully settle his hands on her arms. keeping her there, letting himself sit with the sensation of being loved. it feels like it shouldn't be allowed, but he wants to drown in it anyway. ]
[ a real goodbye, a message that she had been loved her whole life, a purpose, the beginnings of what would become her home. at the time it felt like a failure, overwhelmed by the feeling of losing saw all over again, but time and distance has revealed that she had gained more than she lost.
cassian had said her father would be proud of her and she knows he meant galen, but saw would have been proud of them all, they had fought to the end. ]
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no subject
[ it's a little scary, sitting here so quietly while jyn smooths the cloth over his skin. she's seen him naked before, she's seen his scars long before that too, but it's the kind of intimacy that spring his nerves to life. he's comfortable all the same, trusting and relaxed while she chases away longtime anxieties about being this close to another person with each swipe of water. ]
Part of living in the cold is knowing how to keep warm, you know.
no subject
[ his nice warm, fluffy jacket that smelled like blaster oil and was filled with whisperbird feathers. with his nice warm gloves. atop his other warm jacket. whilst jyn had one very thin jacket and vest and a scarf she straight up stole off a hook in the hangar. the alliance could have given her more appropriate outerwear but
nah. ]
no subject
[ a beat. ] It is mostly jackets. Layers. But I will give you that despite that, some people are just always cold.
[ like jyn. she'd probably need many many layers on fest. or maybe his planet is warmer than he remembers. it's not like he's been back, or will ever be back, to tell. ]
no subject
she keeps moving with the washcloth, almost massaging the tension out of his shoulders with the warm cloth, willing him to relax completely with her. ]
Do you remember the food on Jedha?
[ she would have killed to stop for a snack. thick soup or sweet fried cookies or fragrant yellow rice. ]
no subject
[ it occurs to him that they hadn't ate much on jedha. he was so rushed, so determined, so full of tivik's death while trying to meet the man's sister. there were a lot of planets like that, and he wonders how much he missed about them simply from the priorities of a mission. ]
[ it makes him a little sad, thinking about it like that. it's an undercurrent more than anything else, because her hands are pulling apart the stiff line of tension that virtually always exists in him. ]
I wish I had recipes to recreate here.
no subject
why can't she just find magical red cookies fried to perfect crisp and soaked with sugar?? why is this so difficult! ]
I wish you would have let me try that soup.
[ but he was in a hurry and jedha was a war zone and she understands, she just really wanted soup. cassian hasn't stopped her from trying any of the foods here. her knuckles press into a knot, bearing down until she feels it unravel, satisfied with the way cassian relaxes against her. ]
I didn't do that because of the soup. Just good timing.
no subject
[ he is distracted from that thought by the press of her knuckles into a particularly tense knot in his back, and he lets out a soft sound of relief when it dissipates, even if it spent a few seconds being painful. his back is so tense, all the time. his entire body is, if he's being honest. ]
[ but her hands are warm. ]
You could find another knot and prove it. [ pls keep at it. ] And we can keep looking for a similar soup.
no subject
even before they could feel each other's emotions, she and cassian were connected. they never needed some mystical bond to build a closeness and intensity that burned brighter than the death star. ]
It was only soup.
[ her arm curls around his chest, drawing herself forward so she can kiss the back of his neck. she made it off jedha with more important things than soup. ]
no subject
[ it's not that cassian forgets about the bond; it's just easier with jyn because she already knows so much about him. it's scarier too, but not the kind of emotional fear he runs from. ]
[ she wraps her arms around him, and he can feel her lips on his skin as much as the warmth and affection she has for him. it's enveloping him as physically as it is emotionally thanks to her hug, and he very carefully settle his hands on her arms. keeping her there, letting himself sit with the sensation of being loved. it feels like it shouldn't be allowed, but he wants to drown in it anyway. ]
Probably good soup.
no subject
[ a real goodbye, a message that she had been loved her whole life, a purpose, the beginnings of what would become her home. at the time it felt like a failure, overwhelmed by the feeling of losing saw all over again, but time and distance has revealed that she had gained more than she lost.
cassian had said her father would be proud of her and she knows he meant galen, but saw would have been proud of them all, they had fought to the end. ]
Better than soup.