[ she might need new underwear, jyn assumes, glancing idly and their clothes thrown across the couch and floor, one leg of cassian's sweats on the coffee table. ]
That sounds good. The underwear part, you'll have to get your lookin' in now because I've got to pee.
[ so he is on a time crunch for staring at her. ]
When did you know? You know, that you love me.
[ he loves her. it's still bonkers and frankly at this point she isn't sure she will ever be over it. presumably one day it will be as natural and second nature as anything but right now it's a marvel she still can't quite understand. ]
[he lets his hand drop from her cheek to her neck, running his thumb over one of his own marks. her skin is so pale, it's a lot more noticeable than he thought it would be. good thing she likes to wear scarves.]
There is always time to look, no matter what you are wearing.
[he sighs a little. he remembers the exact moment he realized he was in love with her, even if he can't pinpoint when his feelings became love in the first place.]
You are going to laugh at me. [he takes her hand with his free one, lightly winding their fingers together.] It was the day that Jim asked you out on a date.
[ jyn's mouth opens in confusion. he was so cross that day, he'd been grumpy even after jim left. jyn had always chalked it up to, well, ]
I thought you liked Jim and that's why you were cross. [ she makes a face. ] Wow, I was really off, wasn't I? I even told Poe. Oh, he's going to be so smug.
[he huffs out a laugh. wow, they are both super dumb.]
I did not like the idea of you going on a date with Jim, or anyone else. It made no sense, until I realized why. I was cross because I thought you liked him.
[even though she said straight out it was just for the free food. it still kickstarted his brain into realizing he was stupidly, ridiculously in love with her.]
[ she squeezes his hand, leaning in a little to give him a soft kiss. they're idiots, for sure. emotionally constipated morons who have the worst conversation skills and suck at everything. ]
I was. [admits it with a sigh. he eagerly accepts her kiss though. he's starved for affection.]
Even if it was not Jim. It could have been anyone. It did not occur to me that you might feel the same as I did, which I think upset me even more. [he wouldn't have stopped her, just died inside, it's fine.]
[ and that was it. that was when she knew she was in love with him and their life together. such a simple, commonplace event but he'd gone out of his way to protect her favorite blanket and it hit her in a rush.
[saving her blanket hadn't even been a real thought. he just... did it. so much about them is instinctual, maybe that's what made it so hard to realize what was happening. it felt normal, not necessarily special.]
[he smiles at her, almost shyly.]
You love that blanket. [so duh, of course he saved it.]
[but she loves him. that's still the greater takeaway here.]
[ jyn didn't have anything growing up except her mother's crystal and eventually the beautiful purple scarf from saw and she clung to both of them fiercely. saw's scarf was lost, but her mother's crystal remained and jyn made sacrifices to keep it.
here she finally has things and she is meticulous about their care -- clothing aside -- and hanging on to them. her blanket, the rug, their pillows, the pictures that have become just as precious to her. and cassian made sure to protect her blanket when she couldn't. ]
[he's never had anyone to care about like this before, keeping everyone at arm's length. it was easier with k2, because droids didn't require the same emotional support as humans. but jyn wriggled in past all those walls, and he'd practically handed her the drill.]
[cassian has noticed she gets particularly protective over certain possessions, and it was instinct to just follow suit, to look after them too. he does it because it's jyn. because they somehow found their way here, together, and she has his back like no one else.]
You make me want to care. You make me feel like I am worth that care in return.
Good. [ firm, decisive. ] 'cause it's going to be us, together. Here or somewhere else. Me and you, that's it, for good.
[ they died in each other's arms, even if the portal sucks them back home and into the path of the death star again, it's going to be the two of them, together at the end. she used to think the galaxy, the universe, wanted her to be alone, but now she thinks it might have been holding out for scarif, for some gang of idiots to storm an empire stronghold and fight back because they had nothing left to lose and every single thing to gain.
finding cassian was a way to ignite her hope but now... now he is home. ]
I'll keep telling you until you don't need me to anymore.
[she makes it sound so final, so set in stone. he doesn't disagree, but it's a comfort to hear it from her. he was starving for affirmations and verbal affection, and now he's drowning gleefully in it.]
[the way he looks at her is full of love, like he can't believe he is so lucky. he feels much better now. she loves him. they're it for each other.]
Me and you, for good. I like how that sounds. [she reminded him of his own hope. she reminded him he was more than just a cog in the rebel machine. she makes him feel important, as just cassian andor, boy from fest. he found a family again, starting with her.]
It might be a while. [if she's ready for that.] I will keep looking after you and your things. No limits.
[ if she has to tell him every day for the next twenty years she will... probably miss some days, but she will try her very best. ]
Now, I have to pee. [ she unfolds all at once, because otherwise she will linger too long, straightening up but still keeping hold of his hand for a moment longer. ] Will you pick a film for us?
[he mourns the loss of her so close, but he supposes they couldn't stay that way forever. he smiles at her when she stands up, holding on to her hand as long as she's near enough.]
Yes. [something about a film? he's distracted by her in front of him, scars and skin and she's beautiful, he thinks. he kisses her knuckles.] Go. I will be here.
[ with the brightest grin, jyn reluctantly pulls her hand back and dips down to grab his shirt before sprinting to the bathroom. she makes quick work of it, it's not a process, and she slips out -- wearing his shirt now -- to grab fresh underwear and yank them on before she scampers back to the couch, clambering on next to him. she gently scoops the cat up and moves her so she can sit next to cassian -- sorry, raddus. ]
I love you too. And even if we fuck up everything else, I only want you and us and I will be happy.
[she stole his shirt, so when she comes back all he's wearing is his underwear and pants. she's worn his clothes before, but it's different now, there's new intimacy to it, so he takes in the sight happily, memorizing it. he puts his arm over the couch so she can settle in, because even now he still wants to just keep in close.]
[his expression softens when she tells him again that she loves him, because evidently he's never going to get tired of hearing it. once she's curled up in his side, he drops his arm around her shoulders, yolo, following it up with a quick kiss on the temple.]
I am already very happy with you, so I think we are on the right track there.
[happy. he is happy. who knew he could still do that?? who knew he could make someone happy?]
[it is good. it's very good. cassian feels at a real peace for the first time in a long while, curling up with jyn as the film starts and basking in how warm she is against him.]
[she falls asleep before it's over, but he doesn't move, still just content to sit there with her, until he finds himself dozing off too.]
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That sounds good. The underwear part, you'll have to get your lookin' in now because I've got to pee.
[ so he is on a time crunch for staring at her. ]
When did you know? You know, that you love me.
[ he loves her. it's still bonkers and frankly at this point she isn't sure she will ever be over it. presumably one day it will be as natural and second nature as anything but right now it's a marvel she still can't quite understand. ]
no subject
There is always time to look, no matter what you are wearing.
[he sighs a little. he remembers the exact moment he realized he was in love with her, even if he can't pinpoint when his feelings became love in the first place.]
You are going to laugh at me. [he takes her hand with his free one, lightly winding their fingers together.] It was the day that Jim asked you out on a date.
no subject
I thought you liked Jim and that's why you were cross. [ she makes a face. ] Wow, I was really off, wasn't I? I even told Poe. Oh, he's going to be so smug.
[ right now she doesn't even care. ]
no subject
I did not like the idea of you going on a date with Jim, or anyone else. It made no sense, until I realized why. I was cross because I thought you liked him.
[even though she said straight out it was just for the free food. it still kickstarted his brain into realizing he was stupidly, ridiculously in love with her.]
no subject
[ she squeezes his hand, leaning in a little to give him a soft kiss. they're idiots, for sure. emotionally constipated morons who have the worst conversation skills and suck at everything. ]
I like food, not James Kirk.
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Even if it was not Jim. It could have been anyone. It did not occur to me that you might feel the same as I did, which I think upset me even more. [he wouldn't have stopped her, just died inside, it's fine.]
When did you know?
no subject
[ and that was it. that was when she knew she was in love with him and their life together. such a simple, commonplace event but he'd gone out of his way to protect her favorite blanket and it hit her in a rush.
her shoulders lift in a shrug. ]
That was when I knew.
no subject
[he smiles at her, almost shyly.]
You love that blanket. [so duh, of course he saved it.]
[but she loves him. that's still the greater takeaway here.]
no subject
[ jyn didn't have anything growing up except her mother's crystal and eventually the beautiful purple scarf from saw and she clung to both of them fiercely. saw's scarf was lost, but her mother's crystal remained and jyn made sacrifices to keep it.
here she finally has things and she is meticulous about their care -- clothing aside -- and hanging on to them. her blanket, the rug, their pillows, the pictures that have become just as precious to her. and cassian made sure to protect her blanket when she couldn't. ]
No one's ever cared about me the way you do.
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[cassian has noticed she gets particularly protective over certain possessions, and it was instinct to just follow suit, to look after them too. he does it because it's jyn. because they somehow found their way here, together, and she has his back like no one else.]
You make me want to care. You make me feel like I am worth that care in return.
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[ it's simple, but true. cassian is worth care, the end. ]
Even without me or whatever, you are worth it.
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It is easier to believe when you tell me than when I try to tell myself. [he's working on it.]
[he squeezes her hand.] I like us together. You deserve it too.
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[ they died in each other's arms, even if the portal sucks them back home and into the path of the death star again, it's going to be the two of them, together at the end. she used to think the galaxy, the universe, wanted her to be alone, but now she thinks it might have been holding out for scarif, for some gang of idiots to storm an empire stronghold and fight back because they had nothing left to lose and every single thing to gain.
finding cassian was a way to ignite her hope but now... now he is home. ]
I'll keep telling you until you don't need me to anymore.
no subject
[the way he looks at her is full of love, like he can't believe he is so lucky. he feels much better now. she loves him. they're it for each other.]
Me and you, for good. I like how that sounds. [she reminded him of his own hope. she reminded him he was more than just a cog in the rebel machine. she makes him feel important, as just cassian andor, boy from fest. he found a family again, starting with her.]
It might be a while. [if she's ready for that.] I will keep looking after you and your things. No limits.
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[ if she has to tell him every day for the next twenty years she will... probably miss some days, but she will try her very best. ]
Now, I have to pee. [ she unfolds all at once, because otherwise she will linger too long, straightening up but still keeping hold of his hand for a moment longer. ] Will you pick a film for us?
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Yes. [something about a film? he's distracted by her in front of him, scars and skin and she's beautiful, he thinks. he kisses her knuckles.] Go. I will be here.
[a beat.] I love you.
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I love you too. And even if we fuck up everything else, I only want you and us and I will be happy.
[ and she has him. and them. she is golden. ]
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[his expression softens when she tells him again that she loves him, because evidently he's never going to get tired of hearing it. once she's curled up in his side, he drops his arm around her shoulders, yolo, following it up with a quick kiss on the temple.]
I am already very happy with you, so I think we are on the right track there.
[happy. he is happy. who knew he could still do that?? who knew he could make someone happy?]
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Good.
[ that's it, that's all. good. they're good, this is good, life is good. jyn feels good. ]
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[it is good. it's very good. cassian feels at a real peace for the first time in a long while, curling up with jyn as the film starts and basking in how warm she is against him.]
[she falls asleep before it's over, but he doesn't move, still just content to sit there with her, until he finds himself dozing off too.]