he's agreed with her so jyn feels like she should be more satisfied that she had gotten her way, but she's caught looking at his face like she is trying to memorize it or study it for a test she's afraid she's going to fail. his eyes are wide, his lips parted in surprise before he closes his mouth to swallow.
he licks his lips but jyn doesn't think he does it on purpose.
she wants to know how he felt, how he feels, what that warm feeling meant or means. she wants to ask but her lips purse, keeping her mouth closed as she steps out of his arms. she wants him and that is too terrifying to process. ]
[ he feels only vague awareness of what he's doing because he's still fighting that urge to kiss her again. but she's hurt and was just out in the woods for three days, maybe she's not thinking straight. he should figure out her kissing him makes him feel first anyway! ]
[ she pulls away and his hands hover near her waist like he wants to grab her again, but she's the one who stepped away. it's only when she speaks up again that he drops his arms. ]
Where else are you hurt?
[ he's gonna get her some ibuprofen but maybe there are other things she needs to? that seems easier to deal with than the kiss. should he bring it up?? he doesn't know!! ]
[ an annoyed admission, but the spiders had done a number on them with their pincers and the forest had done it's level best to kick all of their asses. she's bitten up, bruised, lightly sunburned, her shoulder throbbing with a steady but relatively mild pain, and her clothes are coated with a good layer of both red and black blood and spider guts.
that she now realizes she has transfer to cassian. ]
You're all dirty. Can you... help me out of this? [ everything, really. boots, socks, pants, layers of shirts meant to protect her fair skin from the sun, her scarf gone stiff and starchy from dried blood. it should, frankly, all be burned. ]
[ he frowns when she says "all over," frowning at the idea of her being hurt in general. his hundreds of question come back, bubbling under the surface, but still he waits. it doesn't even occur to him that now she's spread her grime to him because he hardly cares. ]
I don't care. [ he steps back at her question, gesturing towards the bathroom. ] Yes, of course, but the bathroom will be easier.
[ plus she can wash her face, and it's where he keeps all their medical supplies. he wants to reach for her hand and tug her towards it, but he's still worried about touching her when she's keeping her distance (as though she hadn't just kissed him, so he just shuffles along, trusting she'll follow. ]
[ jyn does follow, but she reaches out to clutch at his shirt. no skin to skin contact, but still contact. she doesn't need it for support, she made it all the way back into the city and into the apartment fine, but she is tired and she is sore and even fighting the emotions going wild in her chest, she still wants to be close to her best friend. ]
[ something in him relaxes a little bit when she grabs his shirt, because however tiny the gesture it's still a sign that she wants to stay close. ]
So we have a lot of clean up to do.
[ he won't be satisfied until he sees the actual extent of her injuries, but from the way she's moving it doesn't seem wildly dangerous. he moves them into the bathroom, idly directly her to sit down on the chair by the vanity with a gentle brush of his fingers to her back. ]
Is there somewhere in particular that hurts? [ he just wants to know if he has to be extra delicate somewhere. ]
[ cassian keeps everything so nice and neat despite jyn being a garbage street urchin who learned absolutely nothing at her fake finishing school and while she obviously doesn't mind leaving towels on the floor, she doesn't want to get the chair dirty.
street urchins like her don't belong in places like this. ]
Shoulder's rough.
[ she grabs a towel from the hook and drapes it across the toilet before she sits. ]
Your shoulder is always rough. [ he noticed. he doesn't know when he noticed, if it was before or after they woke up in this city. ]
[ he frowns when she situates herself on the toilet instead, but he supposes it's closer to the sink. he digs into the cabinet and pulls out some wash clothes and towels, starts running the water to warm it up. ]
[ he drops down to the floor first, untying her boots and gently tugging them off her feet. the dirt and grime sprinkles over the floor, a tease about the mess to come he's sure. ]
Do not even think about apologizing for any sort of mess this leaves behind.
[ he has not because she has not. jyn doesn't make a habit of apologizing for anything, because that would imply she regrets anything and jyn doesn't make a habit of admitting she has regrets. ]
The forest didn't want us to be there, [ she says by way of an explanation for the injuries. ]
[ his mouth twitches like he wants to grin, but he doesn't. she never apologizes, she's too stubborn for that. ]
Are you telling me the trees were sentient? [ he doesn't actually believe that, but it's his way of opening up the conversations towards whatever she wants to tell him about... whatever was out there. he hopes she tells him more. ]
[ he pulls her socks off, setting them neatly by the boots, then climbs back up to his feet. carefully, he unwinds the scarf from around her neck. she wears it all the time, he's not surprised she took it out beyond the wall, but he's definitely going to have to hand wash it. ]
[ she watches him work for a moment, finding the concern he can't keep from his face in the pinched lines around his mouth and the little furrow between his eyebrows. it's strange that she can read him so well, they haven't known each other nearly long enough to know each other as well as they do. he'd seen her at her absolute lowest point, he knows so many of the worst parts of her, but she finds herself feeling like she's at a disadvantage. ]
The further we went in... the animals were wrong. Deformed or too many eyes or. [ she shrugs and then immediately winces. ] They looked normal to me, Prompto and Clarke said they were wrong though, just off. And they all had these golden eyes. They attacked. Weren't that hard to fight off but they liked to bite.
[ next up is the vest, which he pulls off very carefully as he moves her arms around to do so. his brows furrow as he listens to her explain the details, concentrating both on her words and on being gentle when he moves to pull her shirt off too. the long sleeves are a bit of a pain, but he tugs it up and off without flipping it inside out, so it doesn't wipe any of the grime on her face on the way. ]
[ he accidentally pulls the undershirt with it, leaving her down to just her bra, which in itself isn't a new thing. they're soldiers, too used to utilitarian living, he's seen it before. but he abruptly remembers she kissed him, and for two seconds, it makes him feel odd? like maybe it shouldn't be allowed? good thing he has weird animals to refocus on. ]
All of them had golden eyes? [ that sounds like a weird mutation of this planet. he's never heard of animals spanning various species with all the same eye colors. ] What kind managed to bite you?
[ what kind of injuries is he gonna be on the look out for here, jyn! ]
[ a number of other animals she doesn't have names for but tries to describe, noting that it spanned not just species but phylum and genus. pygmy marmosets with dilated eyes and wide mouths, deformed arachnids of large size sporting animal-like eyes and claws, and reptiles with hard shells and poisonous venom, all with golden eyes.
they didn't come with labels so she can't tell him exactly what they were, standing so he can help her out of her pants. they were smallish animals but there were many and they were aggressive, without provocation. at least without any more provocation than the three humans existing in their space. ]
The spider bites... I don't know if it was poison or whatever that drug was that Daisy talked about, but they made Clarke mad. Angry mad.
[ jyn as well, but she works well being angry, it centers her and probably she didn't get bit as badly from the spiders thanks to the water wall. ]
[ he stands her up and it's so easy to move her around, easy to move in tandem without even thinking about it. he piles her pants alongside the rest of her clothes, leaving her down to undergarments. her injuries really are mostly superficial, but he still frowns. ]
Did it make Prompto mad as well? And you? If it was the same experience, perhaps they extracted the poison to make the drug. [ this mysterious 'they,' someone out there. ]
[ now that all her gross and dirty clothes are gone, cassian starts running the water in the sink, as hot as he can personally handle. he knows jyn likes it much warmer, but alas. ]
[ very gently, he reaches out with a washcloth and starts scrubbing the grime off her face. ]
[ she nods slowly, her head starting to ache, probably from dehydration, she should drink something and licks her lips. ]
I'm always angry. [ but she could feel a difference, shivering under the surface. maybe they didn't bite her hard enough, maybe using her power while they were biting her pushed it out of her, maybe fury is so natural to her it didn't cloud her judgement.
maybe survival is too ingrained in jyn. ]
I'll ask them, I think they were there last time. [ she knows daisy was there at least. ]
[ he tries not to laugh at what she says, but his mouth does twitch with amusement. it's never hard to tell when jyn is angry, because most of the time she is some form of angry, if not a little grumpy. ]
[ he cleans off her face with very careful hands, finding only a scratch on her chin, another at her temple. it isn't anything serious, but he gets out the disinfectant anyway. ]
You have time. I suspect you will all be sleeping well tonight. [ he cotton balls at the cuts, frowning when he realizes it still looks dirty even after the wipedown. ]
[ and the cut on her temple is still bleeding, or at least... he thinks so? it looks like her blood is dirty. every time he wipes at it, he doesn't see red - just murky discolored liquid. ] Jyn. Why are you bleeding dirt?
[ that is not an explanation, but she is working up to it. she is tired, she is sore, despite clarke's blood she was already sunburned and the slight pink is making her skin feel tight and dry and feverish, she'd had a headache for days and she doesn't doubt she is dehydrated on top of her many tiny injuries. ]
She gave Prompto and I transfusions. Her weird blood is black.
[ it had probably definitely kept them alive without any protection, but it's still weird. ]
[ he almost gives her a Look with that reply, so it's a good thing she explains a little bit more, even if it's still very lacking. he'll likely ask for more detail (about everything) after jyn gets a good night's sleep, but right now he just wants to make sure she's well enough to sleep. ]
So you used her blood to help with the high sun. [ he doesn't know if it works like that, but apparently?? it does?? he cleans up her temple wound entirely, wiping it down until he can stick a little bandage on it. no blood on the sheets, especially when it looks like that! ] Temporarily?
Blood transfusions don't last forever, [ jyn agrees. to really fuck themselves up they'd need the bone marrow to make the black blood themselves, but jyn prefers her own blood as a general rule. ]
I know. [ does he know it stings or does he mean about the blood fusions?? maybe both. despite basic first aid knowledge, cassian never got the bedside manner training! no time for that in the field!! ]
[ still, he does wrinkles his nose when she says it hurts. ] It is going to sting for a little while.
[ no apologies tho. ] Maybe the radioactive blood is making it worse.
[ maybe jyn is grumpy from pain and the admittedly mild discomfort from the disinfectant was the straw that broke the bantha's back. who knows what caused the crack, but tears are pooling in her eyes before she realizes and she lifts her hand to smack cassian's hand away from her face, only to barrel forward and curl her arms around him, burying her face against his tee shirt.
it smells like him -- dirt and laundry powder and soap -- and it grounds her in the present. she isn't crying, not really, emotions leaking out because there were too many and they needed to escape. she feels the press of her mother's crystal through his shirt, call feel the warmth of it through the fabric, and it steadies her some, though it may be having cassian's arms around her. ]
I'm tired. [ it's not emotions, it's exhaustion. that is what she is going with. ]
I am not any kind of doctor, technically. [ first aid is not a medical license! ]
[ the teasing dies as soon as he realizes she's started crying, and he has about two seconds of visible, wild concern before she's hugging him. it takes him another two seconds, but he does set aside the cotton balls and medicine and settle his arms around her instead. ]
[ he's careful with his hands, trying to avoid brushing over her skin for too long even if there's very little means to avoid it. he can feel her exhaustion, and it only makes sense. she's probably only touched the service of what was out there, and that was only the physical more natural aspects. ]
[ it's exhaustion, but he knows it's not just physically tired. there's a big jumble of her feelings he won't try to analyze out of privacy. ] I think I got the worst of it all, if you want to put pajamas on and go lay down.
[ cassian is always a comfort, he has been for quite some time now. even before they woke up in new amsterdam. if she was braver she would do something about it but she is not and she will not. instead her arms stay curled around cassian and she holds on to the warm feeling that has always been present between them like gravity but can now be felt. ]
I want a bath first, [ she mumbles against his chest. she doesn't want to bring this dirt and blood into their bed. their bed is like a haven.
it probably would make her sore body feel a little better too and she wouldn't smell like sweat and blood. there are a lot of upsides to a bath, really, probably more she can't think of at the moment. ]
[ it continues to be strange to him that he can be a comfort without even trying. he knows how to provide that sort of shoulder as a machination, or for a purpose, but it's always so genuine with jyn. it's just weird that she finds comfort in him. he likes to hoard that warmth between them as much as she does, too afraid to think about it in case he somehow ruins it. ]
Okay. [ that checks out. jyn loves baths, she wants to relax in one. as soon as she's ready to let go, he'll start the (too hot) water. ]
Do you want anything to eat? I can get some snacks too, or make a sandwich.
jyn sits back on the toilet when he starts drawing the bath, watching him fuss with the taps to get the right temperature. she knows he thinks it's too hot, but he is making it that hot anyway. for her.
she could tell him, right now, what she feels. what she thinks she feels. it's too foreign still for her to know exactly, but it's there. humming under the surface of everything and aching to spill out only she doesn't know what it is. cassian is very dear to her, very important to her, and she wants to know everything about him because he's had a whole life, a whole story, and she came in late, the last chapter. practically an epilogue.
no matter how much she knows about him, she wants to know more. maybe that is simply a very close friendship. she is lacking experience there too. ]
No. [ she fiddles with one of her cuts, picking at the dried blood. ] Will you tell me about your mother?
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he's agreed with her so jyn feels like she should be more satisfied that she had gotten her way, but she's caught looking at his face like she is trying to memorize it or study it for a test she's afraid she's going to fail. his eyes are wide, his lips parted in surprise before he closes his mouth to swallow.
he licks his lips but jyn doesn't think he does it on purpose.
she wants to know how he felt, how he feels, what that warm feeling meant or means. she wants to ask but her lips purse, keeping her mouth closed as she steps out of his arms. she wants him and that is too terrifying to process. ]
My head's pounding.
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[ she pulls away and his hands hover near her waist like he wants to grab her again, but she's the one who stepped away. it's only when she speaks up again that he drops his arms. ]
Where else are you hurt?
[ he's gonna get her some ibuprofen but maybe there are other things she needs to? that seems easier to deal with than the kiss. should he bring it up?? he doesn't know!! ]
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[ an annoyed admission, but the spiders had done a number on them with their pincers and the forest had done it's level best to kick all of their asses. she's bitten up, bruised, lightly sunburned, her shoulder throbbing with a steady but relatively mild pain, and her clothes are coated with a good layer of both red and black blood and spider guts.
that she now realizes she has transfer to cassian. ]
You're all dirty. Can you... help me out of this? [ everything, really. boots, socks, pants, layers of shirts meant to protect her fair skin from the sun, her scarf gone stiff and starchy from dried blood. it should, frankly, all be burned. ]
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I don't care. [ he steps back at her question, gesturing towards the bathroom. ] Yes, of course, but the bathroom will be easier.
[ plus she can wash her face, and it's where he keeps all their medical supplies. he wants to reach for her hand and tug her towards it, but he's still worried about touching her when she's keeping her distance (as though she hadn't just kissed him, so he just shuffles along, trusting she'll follow. ]
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It's not bad. It's a lot.
[ many tiny injuries, not many big injuries. ]
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So we have a lot of clean up to do.
[ he won't be satisfied until he sees the actual extent of her injuries, but from the way she's moving it doesn't seem wildly dangerous. he moves them into the bathroom, idly directly her to sit down on the chair by the vanity with a gentle brush of his fingers to her back. ]
Is there somewhere in particular that hurts? [ he just wants to know if he has to be extra delicate somewhere. ]
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street urchins like her don't belong in places like this. ]
Shoulder's rough.
[ she grabs a towel from the hook and drapes it across the toilet before she sits. ]
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[ he frowns when she situates herself on the toilet instead, but he supposes it's closer to the sink. he digs into the cabinet and pulls out some wash clothes and towels, starts running the water to warm it up. ]
[ he drops down to the floor first, untying her boots and gently tugging them off her feet. the dirt and grime sprinkles over the floor, a tease about the mess to come he's sure. ]
Do not even think about apologizing for any sort of mess this leaves behind.
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[ he has not because she has not. jyn doesn't make a habit of apologizing for anything, because that would imply she regrets anything and jyn doesn't make a habit of admitting she has regrets. ]
The forest didn't want us to be there, [ she says by way of an explanation for the injuries. ]
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[ his mouth twitches like he wants to grin, but he doesn't. she never apologizes, she's too stubborn for that. ]
Are you telling me the trees were sentient? [ he doesn't actually believe that, but it's his way of opening up the conversations towards whatever she wants to tell him about... whatever was out there. he hopes she tells him more. ]
[ he pulls her socks off, setting them neatly by the boots, then climbs back up to his feet. carefully, he unwinds the scarf from around her neck. she wears it all the time, he's not surprised she took it out beyond the wall, but he's definitely going to have to hand wash it. ]
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[ she watches him work for a moment, finding the concern he can't keep from his face in the pinched lines around his mouth and the little furrow between his eyebrows. it's strange that she can read him so well, they haven't known each other nearly long enough to know each other as well as they do. he'd seen her at her absolute lowest point, he knows so many of the worst parts of her, but she finds herself feeling like she's at a disadvantage. ]
The further we went in... the animals were wrong. Deformed or too many eyes or. [ she shrugs and then immediately winces. ] They looked normal to me, Prompto and Clarke said they were wrong though, just off. And they all had these golden eyes. They attacked. Weren't that hard to fight off but they liked to bite.
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[ he accidentally pulls the undershirt with it, leaving her down to just her bra, which in itself isn't a new thing. they're soldiers, too used to utilitarian living, he's seen it before. but he abruptly remembers she kissed him, and for two seconds, it makes him feel odd? like maybe it shouldn't be allowed? good thing he has weird animals to refocus on. ]
All of them had golden eyes? [ that sounds like a weird mutation of this planet. he's never heard of animals spanning various species with all the same eye colors. ] What kind managed to bite you?
[ what kind of injuries is he gonna be on the look out for here, jyn! ]
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[ a number of other animals she doesn't have names for but tries to describe, noting that it spanned not just species but phylum and genus. pygmy marmosets with dilated eyes and wide mouths, deformed arachnids of large size sporting animal-like eyes and claws, and reptiles with hard shells and poisonous venom, all with golden eyes.
they didn't come with labels so she can't tell him exactly what they were, standing so he can help her out of her pants. they were smallish animals but there were many and they were aggressive, without provocation. at least without any more provocation than the three humans existing in their space. ]
The spider bites... I don't know if it was poison or whatever that drug was that Daisy talked about, but they made Clarke mad. Angry mad.
[ jyn as well, but she works well being angry, it centers her and probably she didn't get bit as badly from the spiders thanks to the water wall. ]
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Did it make Prompto mad as well? And you? If it was the same experience, perhaps they extracted the poison to make the drug. [ this mysterious 'they,' someone out there. ]
[ now that all her gross and dirty clothes are gone, cassian starts running the water in the sink, as hot as he can personally handle. he knows jyn likes it much warmer, but alas. ]
[ very gently, he reaches out with a washcloth and starts scrubbing the grime off her face. ]
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I'm always angry. [ but she could feel a difference, shivering under the surface. maybe they didn't bite her hard enough, maybe using her power while they were biting her pushed it out of her, maybe fury is so natural to her it didn't cloud her judgement.
maybe survival is too ingrained in jyn. ]
I'll ask them, I think they were there last time. [ she knows daisy was there at least. ]
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[ he cleans off her face with very careful hands, finding only a scratch on her chin, another at her temple. it isn't anything serious, but he gets out the disinfectant anyway. ]
You have time. I suspect you will all be sleeping well tonight. [ he cotton balls at the cuts, frowning when he realizes it still looks dirty even after the wipedown. ]
[ and the cut on her temple is still bleeding, or at least... he thinks so? it looks like her blood is dirty. every time he wipes at it, he doesn't see red - just murky discolored liquid. ] Jyn. Why are you bleeding dirt?
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[ that is not an explanation, but she is working up to it. she is tired, she is sore, despite clarke's blood she was already sunburned and the slight pink is making her skin feel tight and dry and feverish, she'd had a headache for days and she doesn't doubt she is dehydrated on top of her many tiny injuries. ]
She gave Prompto and I transfusions. Her weird blood is black.
[ it had probably definitely kept them alive without any protection, but it's still weird. ]
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So you used her blood to help with the high sun. [ he doesn't know if it works like that, but apparently?? it does?? he cleans up her temple wound entirely, wiping it down until he can stick a little bandage on it. no blood on the sheets, especially when it looks like that! ] Temporarily?
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This stings.
[ he is a terrible nurse, make it less stingy! ]
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[ still, he does wrinkles his nose when she says it hurts. ] It is going to sting for a little while.
[ no apologies tho. ] Maybe the radioactive blood is making it worse.
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[ maybe jyn is grumpy from pain and the admittedly mild discomfort from the disinfectant was the straw that broke the bantha's back. who knows what caused the crack, but tears are pooling in her eyes before she realizes and she lifts her hand to smack cassian's hand away from her face, only to barrel forward and curl her arms around him, burying her face against his tee shirt.
it smells like him -- dirt and laundry powder and soap -- and it grounds her in the present. she isn't crying, not really, emotions leaking out because there were too many and they needed to escape. she feels the press of her mother's crystal through his shirt, call feel the warmth of it through the fabric, and it steadies her some, though it may be having cassian's arms around her. ]
I'm tired. [ it's not emotions, it's exhaustion. that is what she is going with. ]
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[ the teasing dies as soon as he realizes she's started crying, and he has about two seconds of visible, wild concern before she's hugging him. it takes him another two seconds, but he does set aside the cotton balls and medicine and settle his arms around her instead. ]
[ he's careful with his hands, trying to avoid brushing over her skin for too long even if there's very little means to avoid it. he can feel her exhaustion, and it only makes sense. she's probably only touched the service of what was out there, and that was only the physical more natural aspects. ]
[ it's exhaustion, but he knows it's not just physically tired. there's a big jumble of her feelings he won't try to analyze out of privacy. ] I think I got the worst of it all, if you want to put pajamas on and go lay down.
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I want a bath first, [ she mumbles against his chest. she doesn't want to bring this dirt and blood into their bed. their bed is like a haven.
it probably would make her sore body feel a little better too and she wouldn't smell like sweat and blood. there are a lot of upsides to a bath, really, probably more she can't think of at the moment. ]
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Okay. [ that checks out. jyn loves baths, she wants to relax in one. as soon as she's ready to let go, he'll start the (too hot) water. ]
Do you want anything to eat? I can get some snacks too, or make a sandwich.
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jyn sits back on the toilet when he starts drawing the bath, watching him fuss with the taps to get the right temperature. she knows he thinks it's too hot, but he is making it that hot anyway. for her.
she could tell him, right now, what she feels. what she thinks she feels. it's too foreign still for her to know exactly, but it's there. humming under the surface of everything and aching to spill out only she doesn't know what it is. cassian is very dear to her, very important to her, and she wants to know everything about him because he's had a whole life, a whole story, and she came in late, the last chapter. practically an epilogue.
no matter how much she knows about him, she wants to know more. maybe that is simply a very close friendship. she is lacking experience there too. ]
No. [ she fiddles with one of her cuts, picking at the dried blood. ] Will you tell me about your mother?
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