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[evasives]

@cassian.andor | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[evasives]

[ TWO WEEKS. ]

[ he tries to imagine two weeks without someone like jyn, and he just... can't. ]

That is quite a long time. Where are you now?

[motivation]

my apartment

[ the apartment that used to be johnny's first, and then theirs. now it's hers, because johnny is gone.

she's been without johnny for longer than this, but she'd known where he was, she'd been able to send him messages, and she'd had d'avin and lucy and a mission to keep her occupied -- and she'd still read all his stupid captain apex comics and replayed his messages over and over. ]

[evasives]

[ she's been dealing with this for two weeks without a word to him before, which makes him think something is different about today, or at least about this moment. he half expected her to be at a bar, but he has no doubt she keeps her own place well supplied. ]

[ he also suspects she lived with johnny. ]

Do you want to talk about it?

[motivation]

[ she wouldn't let herself get well and properly drunk in a bar. ]

what do you think i'm doing

[evasives]

Clarity is important.

You can start by just telling me something about him.

[motivation]

he's got a stupidly big heart
soft, too
always wanting to help people

[evasives]

Let me guess. He tried to help you?

[motivation]

tried to steal my ship, actually

[evasives]

And you just let him?

[motivation]

i almost shot him
but he can talk fast

and he's useful

[ and so a young woman running from a life of murder on the night of her wedding to a prince who was meant to be her ticket out of there and ended up dead because of it became a warrior princess and the thief who saved her ]

[evasives]

Then it was a lucky attempted theft for both of you.

[motivation]

we've been partners for years
he's my gravity

[ and now he's gone ]

[evasives]

Gravity is a pull.

I suspect that means you will just be pulled in together again.

[motivation]

i hope so

[ and then, a minute (and a glass of whiskey) later: ]

i don't know how to be a decent person without him

[evasives]

Just because he is not here does not mean you cannot think about what he might do.

[motivation]

what if i get it wrong

[ it's only because she's very deep into the scotch and because she thinks that of everyone here, cassian is the most like her that she even admits to the fear ]

[evasives]

Then you get it wrong and try again, if that is what you want.

I have no answers, because I have not figured out how to be that either. I do not think being decent is a one choice move.

[motivation]

wish i could just punch something and be done with it

[evasives]

That is Jyn's preferred method as well.

I am not sure it always works. But punching bags exist too.

[motivation]

even i know it doesn't always work
sometimes you need to science the shit out of stuff to solve problems

[evasives]

I do not know if science has the answers to being a good person either.

Maybe there is a combination of all of the above.

[motivation]

what if we're too broken?

[ we is easier to write than i. she thinks cassian won't take it personally. she thinks he must have wondered the same thing at some point, but maybe she's wrong about that. ]

[evasives]

[ he thinks he is most of the time. it's not really a wonder so much as something he takes as fact: cassian andor is very broken. ]

You can still keep trying to fix whatever is left.

[ she used 'we,' but he can't bring himself to do the same. ]

[motivation]

[ she notices the you, the lack of we, but doesn't even know how to begin addressing that. ]

i've been trying

[evasives]

That counts. It means you want to do better.

Intentions are important.

[ now if only he could apply that logic to himself too. ]