( inbox ) meadowlark

[evasives]

@cassian.andor | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

Comments

[evasives]

[ because they deserve it maybe idk. ]

Do you ever say no to a drink?

[motivation]

[ all the more reason for coping mechanisms, pain you think you deserve hurts all the worse ]

why would i do that?

[evasives]

[ that's why, hear him out, you gotta suffer.... bc you deserve it! obviously! ]

Something more interesting could be an option. Some people prefer sobriety.

[motivation]

[ okay but how about no ]

some people can keep their sobriety
got anything specific in mind that's more interesting?

[evasives]

[ maybe one day he'll get better at not suffering. ]

No. I was just musing. I do not drink much.

[ honestly... what is fun? what is taking things easy? recreation?? don't know her. ]

[motivation]

i noticed
any particular reason?

[evasives]

It was not particularly safe to be inebriated in my line of work.

And my tolerance is very high.

[ was he trained for that too?? yeah. combined with little pills to lessen the effect when he needed to have a drink or two on the job. ]

[motivation]

so's mine
drinking and getting drunk aren't the same

[evasives]

I prefer to have all of my wits.

[motivation]

paranoid

[ can she blame him? not even a little ]

[evasives]

Cautious.

[ no he's definitely paranoid as fuck, it's bad. ]

[motivation]

there's a difference?

[evasives]

Paranoia can be unreasonable. Caution is logical.

[ just... attacks himself, in defense of himself?? ]

[motivation]

[ oh boy

dutch has been trained to be sharp, to never let her guard down -- but despite that, she's found a place she could trust. two places, really. found people she trusts enough to drink with. to get drunk around. (the latter's more difficult than the former.)

she wouldn't even know where to begin putting any of that in words. wouldn't even know why it should matter, except it does. ]

and you're a logical man

[evasives]

[ he did participate in a drinking game, willingly. that's probably a good sign? not that he got particularly drunk, but he let himself join in in the safety of his own home. and it was... fun. he had fun? what a concept. ]

I try to be.

[motivation]

[ that's a good sign. drinking games as baby steps, a novel concept ]

i'm not

[evasives]

[ it was a learning experience. ]

I had to be. It does not work for everyone.

[motivation]

someone tried
not to turn me into a logical person
to turn me into something unfeeling

[ does knowing why khlyen did it make it better? make it all right? -- she goes back and forth on it. ]

[evasives]

Like those hullen you mentioned?

Or something else?

[ no one tried to turn off his feelings. cassian just did it to himself. he doesn't know if that's better or worse. ]

[motivation]

like them
to make it easier to survive the transformation
to protect me

[ this is the most she's ever talked about this to anyone not johnny or d'avin, to anyone not involved in the fight

she didn't turn off her feelings; she was broken out of them ]

[evasives]

Transformation into what?

[ he knows she said "into something unfeeling" earlier, but there are a lot of different reasons that could be deemed necessary. he has theories, but he won't ask. ]

[motivation]

[ well, fuck it
she's told him this much ]

hullen

[evasives]

[ at least he carved out his emotions himself. he can't imagine someone else doing it to him. ]

What was it supposed to protect you from?

[motivation]

dying
being killed by them

to give me better odds at killing them, too

[evasives]

[ well. it helped him, at least that's what he tells himself. but when she puts it that way, phrases it like a horror story, he wonders just how much good it actually did him in the end. ]

Someone tried to turn you into a weapon.